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Top 10 comedy questions and answers

Top 10 most comedy questions people usually ask in obvious situations

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends...

Question: - Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: - Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here...

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...

Question: - Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer: - No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia... ... why don't you try again?

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...

Question: - Why, why him, of all people.
Answer: - Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Question: - Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??
Answer: - No, it’s terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years

Question: - Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer: - Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...

Question: - Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer: - No, he’s a miserable wife-beating, insensitive's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...

Question: - Sorry. Were you sleeping?
Answer: - No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...

Question: - Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer: - No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...

Question: - Tell me if it hurts?
Answer: - No it won’t. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks.. .

Question: - Oh, so you smoke.
Answer: - Gosh, it's a miracle ...... it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

Salaries likely to increase by up to 20% in 2010

Source from Yahoo news.

Hiring activities in India Inc have gone up by 15-20% in the last four months compared with 2008, an indication that the job market is opening up and companies are loosening controls imposed on recruitment, training expenses and salary hikes.

HR consulting firms FE spoke to said the calendar year 2010 looks hopeful not only on the hiring front, but for salaries and bonuses as well. However, companies will continue to remain conservative on salary hikes across the board.

The exorbitant salaries and huge bonuses for people at the top management level, which saw a dip of about 25-30% in their cost to company (CTC) during the slowdown, could go up by 15-20% in 2010. This will include managing directors, chief executives, chief financial officers, senior vice-presidents and executive directors.

"In percentage terms, the total package might not move up significantly, but other benefits like perks and variable pay are expected to increase," said Arunima Sharma, principal consultant at Execuzen. Moreover, huge bonuses of about 80-100% will now shrink to 30-50%.

The top-level salary in the BFSI (banking, financial services and insurance) sector at present is more than Rs 1 crore per annum compared with more than Rs 2-3 crore in the beginning of 2008.

In the manufacturing and engineering sectors, it is still lower at around Rs 80 lakh, compared with Rs 1 crore earlier. IT/ITeS, which took the maximum hit during the downturn, is ready to give salaries in the range of Rs 1.5 to Rs 5 crore. Pharma is still lower by 10-15% against the 2008 levels. Salary at the top level in this sector is between Rs 75 and 80 lakh per annum.

In the media sector, current salaries at the top level are more than Rs 1 crore, whereas, for retail and real estate sector, salaries might go up from Rs 75 lakhs and Rs 1 crore, respectively, per annum .

Said Shiv Agrawal, CEO of ABC Consultants, "Salaries at the top level are expected to increase in the range of 8-15%. The 15-20% hike will be exceptional for very good performers. The 2010 salaries will see more variable pay component, which will be performance driven."

According to Sharma, more and more expats from Europe and Japan are also looking to come back to India, especially in the financial services and advertising sectors. "I expect that by March 2010, we will see a turnaround and things will be back to normal in terms of salaries," she said.

Meanwhile, experts say hiring will continue, albeit to meet pent up demand (where hiring was frozen in the downturn and is now opening up).

According to Naukri JobSpeak index for November 2009, hiring activities saw a significant push across all sectors with auto, insurance and telecom sectors seeing a double-digit percentage growth.
Smita Joshi Saha
Source :

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